Things People Ask Me that I Don’t Want to Talk About

 Photo courtesy of Crafty and Blue Ring Pops

Photo courtesy of Crafty and Blue Ring Pops

It's no surprise that I get asked a lot of questions on set. People are generally in good moods and quite friendly, which I think is so important on any film or TV set (or any work place in general) but sometimes "friendly" can get confused with familiar, and let's be realfamiliar can very quickly become way too familiar. I love people, except when I don't. Sometimes it's because they ask me questions like these:

 

Hi Christine! How are you? Did your movie ever get made? Where can I see it? Is it on Netflix?

-Everyone I’ve ever talked to

 

Did you know your eyebrows grow differently? What’s that about?

-BG Makeup person

 

Hey pretty lady, want to go out with me?

-47 year old bald man

 

Why don’t you like your hair?

-BG Hairdresser

 

Are you eating? What did you have for lunch today? Don’t lie.

-Mom

 

Are you working? How much money do you make?

-Dad

 

Has anyone ever told you you look like Nick Cave?

-Some BG guy

 

You set your reading goal at 111 books this year? You must have a lot of free time!

-OK Cupid date

 

How are you feeling after last night. Are you okay?

-Bartender

 

So, what’s your real job?

-BG person

 

Did you take a look at the contract I sent you?

-My agent

 

So, what’s going on with your film?

-Filmmaker acquaintance

 

Have you seen that movie on Netflix that I’ve told you to watch a million times?

-Friend

 

How are you?

-My therapist

 

So, are you okay? Really? You can tell me.

-Mom

 

 

Answer I say out loud:

Yes, my film got made. It was in festivals, and it’ll probably be online soon. I’ll definitely let you know!

Answer I say in my head:

Yes, my film was already completed when we first met, so yes, it got made, and yes, I had already told you it’s in festivals. I don’t know what’s going to happen with its distribution yet and I’m terrified it will go nowhere and no one will see it*

*Now my film, Living with the Dead, is on Amazon! So huzzah! It went somewhere!**

**I’m still worried that people won’t watch it so when you’re done reading this you should go on Amazon and watch it.

 

Answer I say out loud:

Yes, I know my eyebrows grow differently..

Answer I say in my head:

Yes, thanks for pointing out my asymmetry. How are your eyebrows?

 

Answer I say out loud:

I’m not really going out with anyone right now.

Answer I say in my head:

Eww no, I don’t want to go out with you. You’re 47 and not the charming kind of 47. Please stop looking at me. No means no.

 

Answer I say out loud:

I do like my hair, I just prefer when there’s less of it.

Answer I say in my head:

Don't short-hair-shame me.

 

Answer I say out loud:

Yes, a slice of pizza.

Answer I say in my head:

No, I haven’t eaten yet. I’m just not hungry. Why do you always want to know what I digest?

 

Answer I say out loud:

Yes, I’m working. Work is good.

Answer I say in my head:

Yes and none of your business.

 

Answer I say out loud:

No, I haven’t gotten Nick Cave before.

Answer I say in my head:

No but thanks for telling me I look like a man.

 

Answer I say out loud:

I just really love reading, and I’m a pretty fast reader so I thought I’d be ambitious with my reading goal.

Answer I say in my head:

You’re just so lovely. I'm never going out with you again.

 

Answer I say out loud:

A little hungover. Did I do anything stupid?

Answer I say in my head:

God, I hope no one blocked me. I should look at my text messages but I'm afraid to.

 

Answer I say out loud:

I’m… a… filmmaker…

Answer I say in my head:

What the hell's a real job?

 

Answer I say out loud:

Yes, I got the contract and emailed you a response, did you get my email?

Answer I say in my head:

Why are you asking me this? I emailed you back!

 

Answer I say out loud:

My film is good, doing well…

Answer I say in my head:

I have no idea what the fuck is going to happen with my movie.

 

Answer I say out loud:

I haven’t seen it yet but I will soon!

Answer I say in my head:

I haven’t seen it yet, it looks stupid.

 

Answer I say out loud:

I’m… eh… do you want me to tell the truth?

Answer I say in my head:

I’m… fuck. Get ready.

 

Answer I say out loud:

I’m fine Mom. Really.

Answer I say in my head:

My life is too chaotic for you to handle, please, I’m trying to spare you.